Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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