I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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