Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm like, not good at living.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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