so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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