LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
