even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
