Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
