I'm pants shitting drunk right now
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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