Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
