just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
