Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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