im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
