just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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