when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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