If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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