woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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