it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
