the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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