I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
