you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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