Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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