I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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