cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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