Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
