I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
