I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize