Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
