just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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