I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
