how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
