My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
