We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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