Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
its liver damage thursday
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
