He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
