i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
