im six kinds of drunk right now
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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