Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
