So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
