Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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