Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
