**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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