Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
