R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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