u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
