I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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