Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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