I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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