Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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