I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
