mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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