I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Actions speak louder than pants.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize