I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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