I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
