i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize