The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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