i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
