My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
