Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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