ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
