I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
