Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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